October 15, 2012

I'm writing you both because I am a little tired of repeating myself ha ha. So all the Jess stuff has been revealed. She is serving a mission, she has been seriously dating other guys for the last six months, and doesn't want to be with me anymore. It feels kinda weird to have someone you love so much to cheat on you and still tell you that she loves you and that she is waiting for you while she is doing it. I know now that we are not suppose to be together. She is changed and a different person, someone who I really don't like right now ha ha. It still hurts a lot, but I know that if she wanted me back right now I would say no. I need someone who actually can stick with me through the hard times, especially if I want to continue in my career of Criminal Psychology. That is something that Jess never did for me though, she never helped me through my most trying moments. I always had to be the strong one in the relationship. I loved her though and was willing to look past that and work with it. It is hard also because this was sprung on me so suddenly and is so new while she has had the last six months to get over me. She is talked like what we had was nothing important and just some simple pre-mission fling. I know that isn't how she felt because of the promises and things that she said to me, but maybe it is her way of coping. I just want to forget her. She hurt me bad, I guess Poison was right when they said "Every Rose Has a Thorn" but, I am tired of thinking about her. So in the words of Bryan Adams "I ain't going to cry over you, you're history baby." So I guess that all that I can do now is just say what Whitesnake said so well, "Here I go agian on my own, down the only road I've ever known, like a drifter I was born to walk alone.".........I miss my rock music ha ha. Mom, though I disagree with you on one thing. I believe that their isn't many people that you can be with and fall in love with. I truly believe that their is only one, and it hurts when you are so sure, and so positive that you found that one, and then she hurts you bad. I don't know what I am really suppose to do though. I still am waiting for the spirit to help me and what not. It comes to others so much and so powerfully. I want a hug more than anything, From a woman doesn't matter who just a female ha ha. I am doing better though, still having a hard time sleeping. It's like I can't shut my brain off at night and when I do fall asleep and dream about her and wake up sweating and then can't fall asleep. Just sucks. The world goes on though. Thanks for helping me through this guys, you are good parents.

I did get the package with the rice krispees. Thank you they were very good depression food and they were like really really good. The ward is really taking us in, we had church for the first time here. It went really well, apparently the Elders that have been here before were really bad, and disobedient so they are super excited about us. Can't screw up now ha ha. Not many people come to church though, like not many. There are more Less Actives then people coming to church in this ward so we really have our work cut out for us. We got a new investigator lady though. Mom you would have gone nuts though because her house is horrible. Straight out of one of the Hoarders episodes. We helped her move stuff around, didn't throw anything away, she was sure to tell us that. But we made some more pathways in her house so that she could sit down and eat at the table and start "organizing" stuff. It was really bad ha ha. We have really been trying to meet all of the investigators though in this ward. Some of them are progressing and some are just Eternal Investigators (they have been taught forever). Whitewashing is hard because you don't know who to visit, people don't trust you because you are new. We are doing well though. The temple trip is today and I have been looking forward to that. I am going to send all my Jess stuff home to you, I told her to send back my Spider-man stuffed bear that I gave her to you guys to so be looking for that. I love you guys thanks for everything.